We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. 1. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Read more. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. A drill serGENTLEMEN! 6. 10. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. It was sheer brilliance. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. 30. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Theres a post recall and he went to work. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? 3. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Fish Food. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Why Do We Celebrate It? When Is Military Appreciation Month? The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Me: Hello? Then one day I couldnt find it. Bad altitude. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Flight Announcements 4. It took the poor guy all day. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. What did you do? What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. "They're all mine. What do hungry Marines eat? Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Later, I spoke with Mom. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. They want their patients to see 20:20! An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. 16. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Later, I spoke with Mom. He then made his way to my side. 4. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. 40. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. ", 55. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. 34. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Airmens mess, sir.. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. We are directly under the moon.. with someone braver than you.'. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. . Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Baltimore, said Dad. The Army will post guards around the building. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Dad got quiet. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. The INFANTry! What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Looking for military boot camp jokes? A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. A PETTY officer! I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Reply: No, I say again. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. You divertyour course! In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. I was the tallest guy in line. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. He nodded. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. The Lasting Supper One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. St. No, we dont, she said. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. 28. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Caller: OK. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Its a NO FLY zone! They bagged six. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Rodrigues there? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Thanks.. Of course, he responded. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. 13:30 comes and goes. Louis, I grumbled. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Read more. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. 33. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? A military captain saying I was just thinking Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 9. I dont see it.. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. 7. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Marine: Wait, stop. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. 29. I just put them all together for your amusement. Why Do We Celebrate It? While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. A friend paid my mother a visit. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Rodrigues there? It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Stay out of clouds. The tenant shook her head. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thats my wifes breast pump.. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. 2. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Then came Dads ships turn. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. 2. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. But I had the last laugh. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. As A.J. How much noise can we make up here? San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! 5. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. But something struck me as odd. Aviation JOKES. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. A Recruiter Misled You. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. It was PRIVATE. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Theyre U.S. AF! 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. 49. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Thats Daddy. She told me she warships them. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Auld Lang Slice Caller: Sgt. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. This site contains affiliate links. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. 37. And )second Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. It was sheer brilliance. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Me: No. How old are you? a tenant asked. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? 43. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it